Monday, October 23, 2006

Feeling Fat… Again.

Well I made it back from Oklahoma, and it’s like starting all over again with these damn stairs. My mother is good at loading me and kids down with all kinds of junk, and damn I am feeling sooooooo fat (fatter).
I was going through some of my writing, and found an old post I did for the doodle a while back (, and I thought it could help me out in these fat times. Thanksgiving and Christmas is right around the corner… and I won’t even have all my Halloween candy eaten before that shit gets here. SO, I am pulling out my sure fire weightloss plan, and getting back into shape before that New Years party gets here, cause I want to flaunt less flab and more FLARE!!
2mara’s Weight loss Plan

Being of the fairer sex, I am constantly trying some sort of diet to try to make my appearance more pleasing. I have tried them all with the exception of that cabbage diet… bleah, to no avail.
I have taken this and that diet pill, even tried the Hollywood Diet. My problem is I love food. If it didn’t taste so damn good of course I could lose weight. I have said for some time, that if there was some sort of pill I could take that would make all food taste awful – that would be my only chance for a successful weight loss plan… until now.

In a time of all Atkins, South beach, and a handful of other diets, I have brilliantly designed my own. It may seem like another one of my “Get Rich Quick” ideas, but this diet actually works. I have been practicing it for some time with great success. Who wouldn’t love to eat anything they want… no exceptions. You want chocolate? It’s not excluded from my diet. You want ice cream for breakfast? Good… I love ice cream, and I can have it on my carefully created meal plan.

I know, I know you are curious as to what I have to offer you. You’re excited to learn my cure for this nasty disease known as fatty McFat-Fat. I know you are skeptical… “I can eat WHATEVER I want… WHENEVER I want it?” My answer to you is… YES you can.

You don’t have to follow a calculated approach of counting calories or fat grams. You don’t have to measure serving sizes. You don’t even have to follow the food pyramid. The only thing that is required is a full length mirror in which to view your results… toss the scale. You don’t need it!

So… are you ready to find out my secret approach to weight loss? Are you ready to learn the tricks of having that thin, remarkable body you’ve always wanted?

I am now going to share with you my secret of weight loss success… it is my proven patented formula. Any time I feel the need to eat something, anything at all… all I have to do is remove all my clothing… step or sit in front of that full length mirror, and try to eat whatever it is I thought I wanted to begin with.

Guaranteed to lose…


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