Torn
The world seems to spin as we lay there, side by side, in the cold, damp grass. Wide-eyed and staring up at the night’s sky, are the stars always this bright? Or is it some special occasion, and tonight they are shining brighter just for us? I gently close my eyes and hear the rustling leaves and feel the wind blow the hair from my brow. Giggling softly as the grass brushes the bottoms of my feet, you roll to your side and stare at me in amusement. Gently running your fingers through my hair, I open my sleepy eyes and softly smile. Closing them I feel the heaviness of sleep.
I open my eyes, and you’re gone. I sigh heavily and roll onto my side, pulling my warm comforter tight. I replay my images of you over and over and try to remember what it was like… when I was myself. Still now, this overwhelming guilt eats away at me. Why couldn’t I have been true? Why did I have to change? What was so wrong with the way things were? So, you weren’t my ideal half. Why did I turn my back on you when you were always there for me?
I’m not sure why I did it or why I even cared, but I painted a more presentable portrait of myself; one that would say the right things and walk the path of least resistance. I hid you in a book and carelessly discarded it, and now I wish you were here with me. We would be on top of the world… totally carefree. My ignorant youth plagues me still. Why did I settle with mediocrity when I could have been a shining star?
~2
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