There is a girl I know who was curled up on her bathroom floor less than an hour ago wishing she were strong enough to take her own life. Hoping she could find the strength to slit her wrists and bleed out the sickness.
She told me she was confused and too weak to carry out the deed. She was afraid of what might happen to her beautiful children. Imagining them growing up knowing that their mother didn’t want to be a part of their lives. Mother and father; sister and brothers; nieces; nephews; maybe a cousin; a friend; or just a stranger or menial passerby… all affected in some way… could this very well be the end of the world?
Mind racing, heart torn…. confused…. she lay there clenching her head; face wrenched. Tomorrow when all is forgotten the swollen aftermath of a face will remind her of her torment.
She told me she wished she could do it… she whispered how easy it would be. The cold blade slicing through her flesh as if it were butter. She mumbled of release, and with each breath the stench of a rotting reality. What could pain her so… to make her want to take this precious gift? How could she take away that best friend, loving sister, daunting daughter, wife, and mother? How could she be so selfish… one moment of relief, yet a lifetime of burden for those who knew and/or loved her.
Maybe her confusion clouded what was really important in her life… maybe she thought she knew what she wanted, but time changed her mind or she was too afraid to go after it. Maybe… just maybe, she was waiting for someone to just sweep her away and tell her that everything will be alright… a personal savior. Maybe she was waiting for you… or maybe… me. To get her head out of the clouds and give her a swift kick in the ass… to tell her to quit being so DAMN selfish and to GROW the fuck UP.
Don’t you dare pity her… selfish bitch