Friday, September 2, 2011


(This is a bit rough and most likely offensive to some. If you're easily offended, stop here.)

You’ve been told, maybe your entire life, that all things—big and small--were created by a solo entity. That on your final day on earth, you are judged and only those that are righteous shall live on forever… in the kingdom of blah blah blah.

You can thank Harold for that.

Instead of taking his time and writing things out, he relied on shorthand—group of directors became god, and there you have it. Millions of people deceived.

He wrote a lot of other things, mainly to keep order, but he also got a little big-headed and “holier than thou”--he’s famous for it. Well, in our office building anyway. He actually keeps his lunch in a lock box in the fridge in the break room with a “don’t touch or else” note attached to the front. As if the lock didn’t deter us, his penmanship would definitely keep the beasts from eating what Mummy packed him that day. He also sent out an interdepartmental memo regarding microwave scheduling.

It’s ridiculous.

I try to hold my tongue; it’s not always easy when I have to work with the guy every day. Yes, Harold makes 9 to 5 feel like an eternity at Genesis, where we’re both VPs.

The group of directors is made up of five chairmen, or I should say, chair people—All VPs at Genesis. In the beginning, we had designated jobs:

Lamar was the imagination—design planner. He can put colors together like no one’s business. Sunsets and white sand beaches were sheer brilliance if you ask me.

Walter was the engineer. He was in charge of construction, genetic make-up, and atom/particle arrangement. He’s a bit flakey, which you may have noticed with species extinction and that whole monkey—man thing.

Ursula introduced the senses, which brought with it desires of man. She made Lamar’s beaches smell like salt and coconut—hot sweaty bodies and cool water—she introduced a whole new level of creation. She made it sexy.

Fucking Harold was in charge of documentation, which you were already aware. He was also in charge of cohesion, which is basically making sure everything goes together nicely.  He’s a bit of a dumbass, but I do think peanut butter and jelly was his defining moment.

Then there’s me, Georgie. I get to bring balance, so your dark has light, your predators have prey, and your life has death.

You might think with the nature of my work, I am a pessimist. It’s quite the opposite really. You can’t appreciate the light without the dark. You just don’t know how good you have it, until it’s taken away. There’s real beauty in that... and I like fucking with people.

Yes, I may be a bit of a trouble maker, but Harold also got a little carried away with the “pestilence and famine” bit. I’m not usually an extremist, but I can’t help if something I introduce takes on a life of its own. It’s part of the job—spicing things up.

These days, our jobs have changed a bit. Currently we have been preparing documentation to pitch to Alpha & Omega. They're looking over specs for new galaxy creation, and we are hoping to get a bid in. Earth doesn’t take a lot of our time these days, and ultimately it’s my fault. I admit it, but I really thought that humanity would prevail. It’s funny how a tiny infection can spread so quickly… 

This is actually the first little piece of my WIP. I'll let you guess what the infection is, and you can bet that this entire read will be very tongue-in-cheek. I hope you like it, and I didn't offend you too much.


  1. That was brilliant.

    I just assumed the infection was manking, but I'll wait and see... :)

  2. I don't see why someone who creates worlds would be a pessimist. Something from nothing and all that.

  3. I must have a pretty high threshhold for "offensive".

  4. Cathy - thanks :-)
    John - you're so right :-P
    Tony - my mom would consider it sacrilege, and quite possibly disown me.

    Thanks for reading :-)

  5. You know how much I love this ;)

    Keep going. I agree that it's brilliant. Can't wait to see the rest (you know, when you write it...ahem).

  6. Found it quite humorous all the way through until that last line, when the horror seeps in. Well done!

  7. this is wonderful - really makes you think - thanks

  8. I just hope Harold isn't in charge of documenting the bid proposal - that can only go badly!

    This was entertaining - I loved the matter-of-fact tone to it all.

    The whole work should be a lot of fun (well, perhaps not for mankind, the ending sounded ominous).

  9. Hey 2, this really is a little bit brilliant. Good luck with the rest.

    Blaming corporate committee-think really does explain a lot!