Sunday, July 30, 2006

Toilet Fairies

Being a parent makes you do evil things. We constantly lie to our children about stuff, and it’s overlooked. We tell them it’s not right to lie to us.. but sure it’s ok if we mislead them. They are young and believe anything we tell them… anything.

Santa, the Easter bunny… every year we find a handfull of things to decieve them with. I am sooooooo guilty of doing this. It is so much fun. Every year we draw out the Santa thing to our advantage. You better clean your room, or Santa will not bring you that new bike. You better do your homework because Santa will know you’re making bad grades.

Oh I have a smart kiddo. He’s eight and I am not sure how much longer I can pull off the Santa thing. He’s already asking questions and I have a hard time coming up with the answers:

“So Mom, we don’t have a fireplace… how does Santa get in?” he asks.

“Um…. he has a special key he uses just for those families who are too poor to have a fireplace.”

“But Mom, if Santa rides in a sleigh, and his reindeer are only capable of flying 55 miles miles per hour… Really I think he would have to travel much slower being that his sleigh is more like a convertible… and it’s cold… not to mention he has no windsheild… How can he cover the distance possible to leave presents for all the boys and girls in the world?”

“Ask dad.”

SO… anyWAY… I am guilty of the best deception… and one I am sure he will mention in therapy in years to come. The Toilet Fairy.

AH yes.. the Toilet Fairy. I have managed to convince my son that there is a fairy that flushes the toilet for you in public places. Yes it’s creepy, and I think it’s one of the most brilliant things I have EVER come up with.

Depending on the place, I sometimes make him go in the women’s room with me.. because one - I don’t trust him in the men’s room alone, and two - there are lots of freaky child molesters out there… and I don’t want my kid to take some weirdo’s candy or help someone find their puppy…

SO… I go in the stall with him… and he makes me turn around… cause he’s a boy, and I might see his “private parts”… he finishes… and the toilet automatically flushes.

“Wow! Hey Mom, How does it know I am done pee-ing?” he asks me.

“Well… there is a little fairy in the wall that sits and waits for you to finish…”

“What? You mean there is something in there that watches me pee…”

“A Fairy”

“One of those little things with wings?”


“Mom… that kinda freaks me out!”

“Yeah me too… but it’s just one of those things you get use to, you know?”

“Well I don’t like it,” he says.

“Yeah well wait till you get older… life is full of disappointment.”

He’s gotten use to it now… does a little dance to put on a show for the toilet fairies. Man, being a parent is awesome!!

Yeah I know I am going to hell… better on my terms though


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