Man, today has just been one of those really shitty days. The weather is messed up and… it’s just Oklahoma here. It really sucks. So, I’ve been dragging ass thinking about taking up a new hobby. I’ve put a lot of thought into this. It’s not like I haven’t anything else to do. There are multiple piles of dishes cluttering up my kitchen, baskets of clean laundry ready to put away, baskets of dirty laundry needing to be washed, laundry in the dryer, and week old laundry in the wash… starting to stink up the place. OK, OK I am not the model housekeeper. I hate doing the laundry. I hate doing dishes. I hate cleaning the bathroom. My ultimate plan has completely backfired on me… I was going to grow up and be independently wealthy. Damn Disney for not making my happily ever after… shitsticks! I do the stuff… it does start to bother me, but I still HATE it. You sure wouldn’t think I was OCD.
ANYway, a hobby. I’ve done about everything. This time I want something exciting and different. I started thinking about this today as I was patiently waiting in the dentist office for my novacaine to deaden half of my face. I’ve got it. I am going to be a Super Hero… wait more fun – a SUPER VILLIAN!
No one would ever suspect it. I could sneak out of the house at night and wreck havoc around the neighborhood. I’m not into anything really bad… I might steal a few newspapers or something, or mess with the little flags on people’s mailboxes. oOoO that would really bother them. Maybe draw on their sidewalks with colored chalk…. mmmwahahahaha. Absolute evil. Yeah I’m bad. You know it.
The best part is that I HAVE TO HAVE a supersuit. All good super villiams have a suit… and I shouldn’t be an exception. I haven’t gotten the whole thing figured out yet… but I think spandex is out. Nothing too formfitting… I mean, I am looking for comfort here as I’m out galavanting through the neighborhood. Nothing that is going to swish or swoosh while I’m trapsing about either… so that outs corduroy or those annoying wind suits. I want something that is flattering… maybe make me look thinner with bigger boobs… yes yes. No refective coloring, because we have a bit of traffic in the late hours, and I wouldn’t want them to think I was an out-of-season trick-or-treator or one of those insane power walkers. No cape that’s too cliche. I’m not impartial to a hat though. Any designers out there up for this challenge? email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
A good name is also a must… I’m thinking something like Midnight Madness. Because it’s dark. Midnight is kind of late for me though… the baby likes to wake up around then and again around 5ish… up for good at 6:30. I do, however, like to shop… and we all know the sales you find at midnight madness. Or maybe the Evening Avenger. I really don’t like that one because it’s sounds like I’m pissed or something… out for revenge. The Naughty Neighbor… wait I think that’s porn… well crap. Maybe it will come to me later. ANYway, I’ve gotten kind of lazy in my old age, it’s going to be weeks before I feel like wandering the neighborhood under the cloak of darkness to wreck mayhem upon this neighborhood’s loyal citizens.
I’ll keep you posted.